


Breaking at the End of Your Lines

by The_law_scholar



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Break Up, Depression, Hurt Carlton Lassiter, Hurt Shawn Spencer, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_law_scholar/pseuds/The_law_scholar
Summary: After seven months of dating--seven endless months of trying and fighting--Shawn decides to break it off with Lassiter. In the first place, he decides that no matter how hard he tries, he’s always going to be too much for the stoic head detective. Second of all, he figures that Carlton can move on with his life as though the two of them had never happened.But he’s wrong. It pains him to admit it, but as time progresses and Lassiter takes a turn for the worse, it’s time to swallow his pride and accept it. He was wrong. Very wrong.(Will be multiple chapters)
Relationships: Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57





	1. Some Things We Don't Talk About

Most nights, Shawn could let it go. For the past seven months, after every nasty argument, he’d remind himself Lassiter’s the one with the real job. He’s the one with the paperwork. He’s the Head Detective with the pressure and weight on his shoulders that could bring the strongest of giants down to their knees. When Shawn messed up a case, it would be Lassiter that took most of the heat. The latter had become even more apparent after the two had come clean about their relationship. Ever since that occurred, Chief Vick had come to the conclusion that it was Lassiter’s job to keep his partner on a leash--a feat that both of them knew would be entirely impossible. 

Now that Shawn thought of it, he should have seen this coming sooner. Lassiter the very definition of the phrase ‘by the book’. He followed procedure, and when others around him didn’t, he lost his head. Shawn himself was the opposite. He hated procedure; it always took too long. He liked to do things his own way because not only was the case always solved, but there would be time for pineapple smoothies and WWE in between. He didn’t necessarily blame Lassiter for following the rules, as he knew that the older man had a lot more on the line than he did, but once, just once, Shawn would appreciate not getting a lecture for helping him out with a case by going off book. 

His partner was sitting on the couch, breathing heavily from the fallout of their latest explosive argument. Shawn saw his right hand twitching at his side, a reminder of the fact that if this were five months ago, Carlton would be at the shooting range taking out every frustration within him on a unmoving target made out of paper. Shawn had put a stop to it early on their relationship, expressing his anxieties about dating someone who was used to firing his gun whenever he got pissed off. Unexpectedly, it had been one of the easier adjustments for the head detective to make; he had simply said he understood and he would find another way to cope with his emotions. The conversation had gone so well, that when they started arguing over every other difference, it had been somewhat of a shock to Shawn. He knew dating Lassiter would lead to them butting heads every so often, but especially as of late, the two had been fighting more often than not, leaving them both exhausted and spiteful. 

“You have to understand why I’m pissed, Shawn.” Carlton’s dark tone shook Shawn from his thoughts. 

Shawn felt himself becoming defensive because, at the end of the day, he was the one who solved the case, and it was because of him that a murderer was locked away from society and the family of the young seventeen-year-old victim had the closure they needed to begin the process of healing and moving on with their lives. “Lassie, I solved it. I don’t know about you, but I think that putting away a creep like that is bigger than you and me. Isn’t that what both of our jobs are about?” 

Lassiter stood up from the couch angrily, standing in front of Shawn with just a few inches between them. He pointed an accusatory finger, his face turning red from anger. “That’s what my job is about, Shawn. Your job is to observe, let me in on what you notice, and then allow me to follow procedure to finish the job.” 

“Lassie, he was going to kill again, and you said yourself that the warrant could’ve taken--” 

Carlton cut him off with a raise of his hand. “I don’t give a damn, Shawn. We had an agreement, remember? At the end of the day, you broke your promise, and therefore, you broke my trust.” 

The accusation hit Shawn like an ice-cream truck full of creamsicles. It hurt, and the impact left him with a heavy feeling in his chest. “That wasn’t my intention. You have to believe me.” 

Lassiter sighed heavily and shook his head, collapsing back down onto the couch. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few breaths before responding. “We’ve been over this. When you told me you weren’t psychic, you took deniability away from me. That means that I’m in on this little act with you now. The only way we can make this work is if I know that everything is still being taken care of legally. You promised me you’d do that for me, Shawn.” 

“I think in dire enough situations, promises need to be broken,” Shawn stated unapologetically. 

Lassiter glared. “I can’t cover your ass forever, you know. What happens when there’s another dire situation? And another after that? Shawn, being apart of police work means your entire life revolves around dire situations that are going to make you want to jump the gun, but you can’t. Do you know how many times I knew a son of a bitch was guilty and I had to just wait around for procedure to catch up with me? It’s painful, and it makes me want to punch a hole in a wall sometimes, but I have to do it.” 

“I can’t agree with that,” Shawn muttered. “I can’t make the choice to sit around when someone can get hurt.” 

“Your choices fall back on me now. Can you make the choice to do what you have to do so I can keep my damn job?” 

It was then when the realization sunk in. When Shawn was a kid, his dad used to tell him that he always had a choice in everything he did, and sometimes the right choices were the hardest ones to make. Those words echoed in his mind as he slowly sunk down into a recliner across from Lassiter whose head was now hidden behind his hands. Every part of his body ached as he thought about the difficult choices he was faced with at that moment in their living room. He looked around sadly, taking in how much the two of them have impacted each other’s lives. He had moved in with Lassiter a while back, the older man insisting that he knew it was early, but he didn’t feel right knowing his boyfriend shared a living space with a dry cleaner’s. It had been so thoughtful that the surly detective had shrugged it off, saying that it wasn’t a big deal because god forbid anyone were to ever see him do anything so kind. Shawn had moved in quickly, and now the house had traces of him that he wasn’t sure Lassiter would ever fully be able to get out of the surfaces. 

He could stay. That was the first choice. He could stay, and they could apologize to each other, eat some dinner, and go to bed. That was what usually happened after each fight they had, and regardless of how nasty the altercation had been, the aftermath always left them both feeling content. 

But if he stayed, this wouldn’t be resolved. This would happen again, and he knew that Lassiter’s job could take a hit if this reoccurred. Shawn would never be able to commit to living his life knowing that he could make a difference only to have to wait until all of the tedious paperwork went through. He felt horrible for making that promise to begin with, but at the time, he hadn’t known how involuntary doing his own thing came to him when he felt as though he needed to. 

That brought him to his second choice. He could leave. Leaving would be painful because Shawn had come to love the grouch before him more than he had ever loved anyone else in his life and despite Carlton’s closed-off personality, Shawn knew he loved him too. However, with time, he was sure they could both heal, and they could both carry on to doing things their own ways that made them feel comfortable. 

_Sometimes the right choices are the hardest ones to make, Shawn._

When he finally spoke up, his voice felt weak. “Carlton,” he said softly. 

Something about Shawn’s tone changed the older man’s demeanor. He looked up at his partner, traces of anger slowly melting away. “What is it?” 

Shawn’s throat felt tight, and he swallowed thickly to make it easier to speak. “I think…” Shawn let out a small puff of air, running his hand through his hair anxiously. “I’m starting to feel like…” 

Lassiter frowned, and there was a twinge of pain in his eyes that made Shawn guess that he knew what was coming. “Feel like what, Shawn?” 

Shawn let out a humorless, weak chuckle. He clasped his hands together and lowered his head between his legs, feeling his heart hammer in his chest painfully. “I’m starting to feel like this is a mistake.”

Something that resembled fear flashed in Lassiter's eyes, but Shawn pushed the thought away. No, that couldn't be right. _Nothing scared Carlton Lassiter._ "This?" he asked. "Like, 'this' meaning…" he trailed off, hands gesturing between the two of them. Shawn bit down on his lip, his mind whirling as he tried to think of what to say, but his silence must have been enough to answer Carlton's question. He scoffed, sounding angry, though Shawn knew that when Lassiter was forced to confront any of his emotions, he always turned to anger as a coping mechanism. Shawn had asked him about it once, and Lassiter had answered simply: _'It's the easiest to deal with.'_ Shawn had always understood, but it didn't make it less frustrating when he tried to decipher what truly went on in his jaded partner's mind. 

"Shawn, listen," Carlton continued slowly, his tone precisely the same as it was whenever they fought and he tried to keep his voice level. Maybe he is just angry. Maybe he's angry because he wanted this too but I beat him to the punch, so now he's the one who has to say he was dumped. But Lassiter's words contradicted that thought, much to Shawn's dismay. "This is something that we can sort out in the morning after we've both cooked down. Why don't we just take a step back, and think carefully about this, hm?" 

Damn it, this would have been so much easier if Carlton had wanted to break up too. His words were reassuring, and Shawn almost took the bait until he reminded himself that if they set this argument down for now, it would come back up again and again. This was something that they could never truly resolve. "You know that won't fix this," Shawn responded quietly. He couldn't meet Lassiter's gaze, so instead his eyes fell on the curtains on the window behind where the man was sitting. Just recently, they had to replace them when Carlton accidentally ripped his old set by tearing them down during an intense moment of passion between the two of them on the couch. Shawn's heart ached at the memory, and it hit him that when he left this place for the last time, every memory that used to electrify him with sheer joy would become gut wrenchingly excruciating. 

Meanwhile, Carlton looked like he didn't know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before relenting completely. He shook his head slowly, gaze cast to the floor, and Shawn's heart stopped when he realized this was the most human he had ever seen his strong partner. The look was short-lived, however, as Carlton's head snapped back up and Shawn was met with an icy blue stare that made him shiver. The mask was put on once again, leaving no trace of what Shawn had just witnessed. "Fine. Get out." 

Shawn stood up from the chair slowly, swallowing thickly. "Carlton, I'm sorry, but-" 

Carlton's tone was dark. Maybe darker than Shawn had ever heard it, even during their nastier arguments. "Get. Out. _Spencer._ I don't care where you spend the night, but I want you out of here in the next five minutes, or so help me God. Tomorrow, while I am at work, you are to come here first thing in the morning and take all of your stuff--and I mean all of it. If I find so much as a single shoe, I'll break your office windows with it. You're also going to return my house key to my desk while I'm on my lunch break. Am I clear, Spencer?" 

Shawn swallowed thickly. Even during their worst fights, Shawn had never seen Lassiter this angry before. "Crystal," he answered a little weakly. Figuring he'd give Carlton space as quickly as possible, Shawn wasted no time heading for the door. He opened it slowly as the reality of the situation hit him all at once, and it was that fact that made him turn around and look at the head detective. Carlton wasn't looking at him, but more to the side as though he was pretending not to notice the fact that Shawn hadn't left yet. Shawn could feel his own emotions start to get to him, and all he could do was whisper, "Goodbye, Carlton." Lassiter didn't answer, of course. He didn't even move. Shawn stepped out into the cold air and closed the door behind him softly. As he slowly shuffled over to where he kept his bike parked, he wondered if he had done the right thing. 

_It was inevitable,_ he reminded himself. This was always going to happen, and at least it happened sooner rather than later. Shawn figured that if he and Carlton had been together just one month longer, he would never have been able to break things off between them, no matter how bad things got. This was definitely for the best and he could only hope that Carlton could see that too, even if it hurt for the time being. Shawn knew for certain that he himself wouldn't be okay for a while, but he knew that Carlton could shake this off quickly. The man was a rock, and he had powered through his divorce with no problem, so this wouldn't be any different. Shawn guessed that after a few days, the man would go back to being the trigger-happy, rugged self without any indication that anything had ever been wrong. 

Shawn had to think that. It was the only thing that kept him from turning his motorcycle around as he made his way back to Psych to try and get some sleep on the old couch.


	2. It Was Over My Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update as regularly as possible.

It was almost too easy to forget what had happened the night before. When the alarm blared beside him, Carlton shut it off quickly, the way he used to so the noise wouldn't wake Shawn up, but when he rolled over, his former partner was of course nowhere to be seen. The realization that hit him square in the chest was almost as painful as the sensation he felt while watching Shawn walk out his front door last night. 

_ You did it again, Carlton. You pushed another loved one away.  _

Carlton slowly climbed out of bed, ignoring the slight headache that was the result of the half-bottle of whiskey he had nursed for a good portion of the night. While working through his morning routine, he felt unusually numb, as if his entire body was in shock by the events that occurred and he hadn’t fully processed the situation yet. The only feeling in his body was a tightness in his chest and a heaviness in his stomach like he had just eaten a large meal that didn’t agree with him, even though he hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. This alone was enough to make him decide to forgo breakfast after he was showered and dressed and only fill his thermos with coffee before heading for the door. He took one last look around his house, knowing that when he returned from work in the evening, it would never be the same. The pineapple-shaped cookie jar that he loved to hate, the sweatshirts thrown over the back of chairs that used to drive him crazy, the gaming systems underneath the television, and of course, the shoes that he always tripped over because Shawn could never manage to place them neatly to the side after unceremoniously kicking them off the moment he stepped through the door. These were all things that Carlton had been reluctant about when Shawn first moved in, yet now he felt as though his house was going to be incomplete without them. Swallowing thickly on account of sudden nausea he felt, Carlton left his house, longing for a long, slow day of work so he could prepare himself for the agony he would endure upon returning home. 

He decided to keep this to himself for the time being as he walked into the station, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to explain what had happened last night when he himself didn’t fully understand yet either. Of course, Juliet and the Chief would find out soon enough, but whether the news came from him or Shawn, he didn’t particularly care. At least if it came from Shawn, Carlton wouldn’t have to directly see the pity in his colleagues’ eyes when they found out. Then again, he was well aware of his reputation around the workplace, and he was almost certain he’d get blamed for making Shawn angry enough to break things off between the two of them. He wasn’t especially known for being sympathetic, caring, affectionate, patient, or any other qualities that he had slowly begun to take on behind closed doors when he was with Shawn, so he was certain that everyone in the precinct saw this coming. 

Carlton walked over to his desk immediately, being one of the first ones to arrive on account of skipping his usual morning run. Typically, exercise put his mind at ease, but his stomach had protested at the mere thought of it. He sat down at his desk and began to look over a file from yesterday’s assignment. A few months ago, he would have always opted to stay late to finish up the day’s work, but as of late he had been going home as soon as his shift ended so he could have dinner with Shawn. That wasn’t going to happen anymore, so he figured at the very least he could keep his mind occupied by working as much as possible. 

It wasn’t long before his partner arrived, sitting at her own desk near his. He didn’t look up, but he could feel her eyes on him. “Good morning, Carlton,” she greeted chipperly.  _ Great, O’Hara’s in a good mood,  _ he thought sourly. It was just what he needed. Juliet was always especially chatty when feeling chipper, and Carlton was in no mood to have any conversation unrelated to work. 

“Morning,” he greeted shortly, keeping his eyes on the file. Hopefully, if he was short enough, she would get the hint that he wasn’t up to talking. 

“What are you working on?” she asked him casually. 

Carlton did look up then. “Last night’s report,” he said, hearing the exasperation in his own tone. “And I’d really like to get it done, so if you don’t mind.” 

Juliet looked taken back. “Woah, what’s with you this morning? Don’t tell me that Shawn replaced your coffee with decaf.” 

Carlton rolled his eyes, trying to appear normal despite the painful twitch in his chest that was a result of hearing his ex-boyfriend’s name. “No, he did not.” 

Juliet looked concerned, and it was almost enough to make Carlton feel guilty.  _ Almost.  _ “Did you two have a fight?” she asked quietly. 

_ Damn her detective skills.  _ “I don’t want to talk about it. Please, drop it, O’Hara.” Even he could hear the slight change in his tone as the anger was replaced with a twinge of desperation. He couldn’t help it though; he really,  _ really  _ didn’t want to talk about Shawn. 

Juliet nodded slowly. “Okay, partner,” she agreed. “Well, how about I check in with the Chief and see what she’s got for us, and then I’ll catch you up when you’re finished with the report. Deal?” 

Now, Carlton  _ was  _ feeling ashamed for lashing out at her because she was clearly trying to make this as easy for him as possible. “Sounds good,” he agreed. As an afterthought, while Juliet stood out of her chair, he added a quiet, “thank you.” The smile he was rewarded with made him feel slightly better.  _ At least she’s understanding.  _

The case turned out to be a bit of a bore, and Carlton wasn’t sure whether or not he was relieved or disappointed. On one hand, a juicy case might make him feel more alive, but on the other hand, he wasn’t sure if he was in the right mindset to be dealing with anything more serious than the measly B&E Chief Vick had assigned them. Juliet returned to his desk with the file just as he was finishing up, and he looked over it with a shrug. “Alright, I guess we should head out then.” He stood and grabbed his jacket, Juliet right behind him as they headed in the direction of his car. He pretended not to notice Juliet’s concerned look the entire time, as well as the way she kept glancing in his direction as though she was expecting him to say something. Thankfully, she remained silent, because if there was anything Juliet must have learned about him over the years of the two of them working together, it was whether or not she should pester him. 

They got in his car and the only thing Carlton could do was pray that this would go smoothly and quickly enough so that the Chief would have no reason to call in Shawn. The absolute last thing he wanted was to see his face in his place of work. For the time being, the station remained the only place that felt safe in his own disastrous world. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Mr. Lenetti, we’re going to need the footage from your cameras to see if we can catch a glimpse of who robbed you,” Juliet told the nervous-looking pawnshop owner. “With any luck, we can find the perpetrator and locate everything that was stolen.” 

The owner looked reluctant. “Well, I already looked through all of the cameras, and I couldn’t see either of their faces, so I’m not sure you’ll find anything.” 

“Hey,” Lassiter snapped at the man, causing Juliet to give her cantankerous partner a look of disapproval. “How about you leave the detective work to the professionals, otherwise I suggest the next time you’re robbed, you go ahead and try to solve the case on your own.” 

“What he means to say,” Juliet began gently, shaking her head at Lassiter who ignored her entirely, “is that it’s really easy not to notice something on security footage. Anything can help though, even if it’s not a direct image of someone’s face.” 

Mr. Lenetti seemed satisfied with that response. “Very well, I will go get it for you.” 

As he left, Juliet looked back at her partner, an eyebrow raised quizically. When he noticed her gaze, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What?” 

Juliet sighed. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you today, but I need you to at least take it down a notch right now. He is the  _ victim,  _ Carlton.” 

Lassiter looked to the side and shoved his hands in his pocket. “Fine.” 

_ No argument,  _ she mused. Typically, when called out, Carlton became defensive. The fact that he wasn’t even trying to justify himself worried her. “Are you feeling alright?” she asked softly, hoping the question wouldn’t completely piss him off. 

“I’m fine.” 

Juliet narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you wearing your sunglasses inside, then?” 

“Just a headache, O’Hara.” 

Juliet was about to interrogate him further, but the shop owner returned with the footage on a flash drive. “This should have everything from last night,” he said. 

Juliet thanked him for his time and turned back to Lassiter. “We should head back. I don’t think we’ll find much else here.” Lassiter only nodded in agreement and led the two of them out of the store. She hated seeing him so quiet and closed-off, but she also knew she’d prefer it over him snapping at her. As Carlton wordlessly slid back into his car, she wondered if she should text Shawn and ask him if he knew what was going on with her partner. Then again, she knew that was something he’d consider an invasion of his privacy--something that mattered to him deeply--and she thought better of it. Not to mention, she wasn’t entirely sure Shawn wasn’t the cause of her partner’s foul mood. 

_ Whatever you did, Shawn, just try to fix it.  _

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

They had been reviewing the footage from the robbery for over an hour before Juliet felt a pang in her stomach. Looking at her watch, she was relieved to see it was time for lunch. She turned to Lassiter, who had hardly spoken a word since they set up the flash drive, and was simply looking at the screen with utter intensity. “Well, I know my eyes need a break,” she announced, pausing the footage. “Come on partner, it’s time to head to lunch.” 

Carlton shook his head. “You go on ahead.” 

Juliet frowned and bit her lip, not liking the sound of that. “I’ll let you pick the place?” she suggested. “And it’ll be my treat. Come on, Carlton, you really look like you could use a bite to eat.” 

“I’ve got something I need to do before stopping anywhere,” he said simply. “So, I’ll grab something quick in a bit on my own.” 

Juliet sighed, knowing it was a losing battle. Gently, she placed a hand on his shoulder and said softly, “Alright, Carlton. I’ll see you back here in an hour or so.” He didn’t respond, so she took the hint and left the room. On her way out the building, she was surprised, and quite frankly, relieved, to see Shawn entering the precinct. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Shawn was disrupted from his thoughts as he nearly ran into Juliet on his way to return Lassiter’s key. Not that he wasn’t always happy to see his close friend, but there was a wave of nervousness that coursed through him as he thought about the lecture he was going to receive. Juliet could be protective of all of her friends, and he knew that she had a tight bond with her partner. Surely by now, the news of what had happened last night had surfaced, and he was sure Juliet wanted to hear his side of the story regarding why he broke Lassiter’s heart. 

Shawn was pleasantly surprised when Juliet didn’t immediately begin to interrogate him. Instead, she asked, “Shawn, what are you doing here? I didn’t know the Chief hired you for a case.” 

Shawn’s exhausted brain was already having trouble processing what was going on, but when he caught up, he dug into his back pocket and pulled out the key to Lassiter’s house. It felt surreal that this would be the last time he held it in his hand, and he had to keep reminding himself over and over again that this would be the healthiest decision for them in the long run. “Hey, Jules,” he greeted. “I’m just here to-” 

Juliet cut him off. “Actually, never mind that. I’m kind of glad to see you. I’ve been wanting to text you, but I figured he’d be mad since, you know, he really likes his privacy.”  _ Here it goes,  _ he thought before Juliet continued. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but can you check on Carlton? Something seems seriously wrong with him.”

Shawn’s brain struggled to comprehend exactly what she was saying. “So,” he began slowly. “You don’t know? I mean, he didn’t say anything about…” he trailed off, hoping that she’d fill in the blanks. 

“Shawn, he hasn’t said  _ anything  _ to me. He’s barely said a word to anyone all day, and when he has, it’s been short and aggressive.” 

_ That sounded like Lassiter,  _ Shawn thought. Now, he was faced with a difficult choice: he could either tell her the truth, and most likely get seriously reprimanded, or he could tell her it was nothing, and let her find out from another source. Seven months ago, Shawn knew he would have acted like a coward and chosen the latter, but his relationship with Carlton had helped him grow to the point where he knew when it was time to do the responsible thing and stop running from his problems. “Actually,” he began slowly, his gaze dropping to the ground. “That’s kinda why I’m here, Jules.” He took a deep breath, feeling nervous. It was like the moment he started telling other people what happened, it would become more real. “I’m here to drop off Lassie’s house key. I moved out this morning. We broke up.” 

Various emotions flashed across Juliet’s face, and she was silent for a while before shockingly whispering, “Carlton broke up with you?” 

_ If you say yes, you won’t get punched in the face,  _ Shawn thought to himself. “Actually, Jules,” Shawn raked a trembling hand through his hair. “It was the other way around. I broke up with him.” 

Juliet looked stunned. Not angry, just utterly shocked. “You-you broke up with  _ him?  _ Shawn, why? I know that he can be, well,  _ him,  _ but you two have always seemed so happy with each other. I mean, I know there’s the fighting sometimes, but hell, I didn’t think that you’d want to break up with him over it.” 

Shawn shook his head sadly. “Jules, it’s not the fighting, not really. I just think we’re too different, you know? There are things about us that we’ll never fully agree on, and it’s always going to be a problem.” 

“Well, figure it out,” she snapped, now sounding angry. “I mean, you two are smart enough.” 

“Not this time.” 

Juliet sighed and bit her lip. “No wonder he’s been acting so closed off. I hadn’t realized it was this bad, though.” 

Shawn felt worry grow in the pit of his stomach. The break up was his idea, sure, but that didn’t mean that he wanted Lassiter to be in pain. A part of him would always love the ornery head detective, even if they weren’t together anymore. “How bad is he?” he heard himself say quietly before he could even decide whether or not he wanted to know the answer. 

Juliet threw her hands up in the air, looking exasperated. “I don’t know, Shawn, I mean this is  _ Carlton  _ we’re talking about. He wants to bottle every emotion until the day he dies. I just know that I’ve never seen him like this. I mean, he’s quieter than usual; he hasn’t told any jokes or made any theories really about our current case. He seems to just be, I don’t know, kind of numb, I guess.” 

Shawn bit his lip. That didn’t sound good. “Well, if we both know Lassie, it’s easy to guess that he’ll be back to his regular self in no time. He probably just needs to sort all of this out. The man just needs to grab a few guns and go haywire on some squirrels.” Juliet didn’t look convinced, so he added, “He’ll be fine, Jules.”

Juliet nodded slowly and gave his shoulder a squeeze as she walked past him toward the parking lot. As he watched her leave, he was suddenly aware of the key in his hand again. He had been lying to himself just then, but convincing people that he knew what he was talking about had always been a gift of his. 

But he knew. He knew that Juliet wasn’t the one he was trying to convince that Carlton would be okay. 


	3. Focus on the Pain

Carlton longed to give his eyes a break as he continued to squint at the video footage from the pawnshop, but since he had opted to skip out on lunch, he knew Shawn would be in the station at any given time and he didn’t want to risk running into his ex. It was frustrating because he was sure that the footage could help them in some way, but he wasn’t able to see anything. It made him want to call Shawn in and see if his keen eyes could catch something he couldn’t, but the idea made him feel slightly sick. 

Juliet returned, and she frowned at him upon entering the room. She leaned against the table beside him, looking straight at the screen, but Carlton knew her focus was on him. After a moment of silence, she spoke up. “Carlton, have you been here the whole time? Did you even go to lunch?” 

“I lost track of time,” he answered with a shrug, not taking his eyes off the footage either. 

Juliet sighed quietly, and from the corner of his eye, he could see her look to the ground. “I ran into Shawn on my way out.” 

Carlton felt his stomach roll, and his heart skip a beat. “Yeah?” 

“He told me what happened.”

Carlton paused the video and looked at her. “We don’t need to talk about it, O’Hara. I’m not letting it affect my work, alright? Drop it.” 

“But, Carlton-” 

“ _ Drop. It.”  _

Juliet complied, more than likely understanding that this was a losing battle on her end. “Did you find anything while you were watching?” 

Carlton felt frustrated with himself as he shook his head. For years, before Shawn confided in him that he wasn’t psychic, Carlton always wondered how the younger man  _ always  _ beat him to the punch every single case. After a while, it made him question his abilities as a detective because while he knew Shawn wasn’t psychic all along, he never understood why he always lost. It was humiliating, really; a man-child with no training or experience was a better detective than him. It had always made him question his position as a head detective of the SBPD because if he couldn’t solve a single case before someone who wasn’t even a real cop, he didn’t deserve to be in charge of other detectives. 

That was how he always felt before Shawn told him the truth. It was actually an anger-driven confession that Carlton had made that led to Shawn opening up about not being psychic in the first place. The younger man had looked concerned and hurt, and his hazel eyes had softened when he said,  _ ‘Carlton, no. Do you really think that? You really don’t know how good you are?’  _ Then Shawn told him. He had said that he had an eidetic memory--something that only a small amount of the population had. He assured Carlton that if he wasn’t born with his gift, and his father hadn’t relentlessly trained to use it during his entire childhood, he wouldn’t be able to solve any cases. He said the things he noticed was unnatural, along with how long he could remember clues precisely as they appeared when he first laid eyes on them. He had given Carlton a small, sad smile and actually  _ apologized.  _

_ ‘I let you think this for so long, and I’m sorry. You’re very good at what you do.’  _

But as Carlton struggled to see a single key piece of evidence, he wondered if Shawn really meant it, or he was saying it out of guilt to make himself feel better. The perpetrators were wearing identical black hoodies and masks, and as far as he could tell, there wasn’t a single thing in the video that could lead to either of their identities. That being said, he knew Shawn would have been able to catch something. Hell, maybe any other detective would be able to as well. Carlton figured that his usefulness regarding the footage had expired, so he turned to O’Hara and said, “My eyes need a break. I’m gonna look over what we have again. If you want to keep looking over this, be my guest.” He turned to leave without waiting for a response, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned and Juliet was giving him  _ that  _ look, which made him clench his fist slightly. He didn’t want her pity, which was why he didn’t tell her about the break up in the first place. “What?” he demanded. 

“Are you sure you can do this right now?” Juliet asked him, voice laced with concern. “You haven’t taken a personal day since, well,  _ ever,  _ so I’m sure the Chief would understand if-”

“I don’t need a personal day, O’Hara, I need to be working.” 

“You need a break,” she argued stubbornly. “This is a B&E, Carlton, it’s not like I haven’t handled these on my own before.” 

Carlton grit his teeth, feeling his patience completely vanish. “You think I need a  _ break?  _ Why? So I can go home and look around my empty house and think about how different everything’s going to be now? So I can be left to stew in my thoughts and wonder that if I hadn’t gotten angry at him last night, none of this would be happening right now? So I can just sit around with nothing to do and  _ miss  _ him? I don’t want to be anywhere near that place right now. I don’t want to think about how desolate that damn place is gonna be now without his crap lying all over the place.” He didn’t realize how heavy he was breathing until he finished speaking and felt slightly light-headed. He cleared his throat, realizing that he was on the verge of getting overly emotional, so he pulled himself together quickly and calmed down. “Look, I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine. I’m right where I need to be.” 

Juliet didn’t look entirely convinced, but there was a twinge of understanding in her eyes. “Okay, Carlton. I’ll be out in just a minute.” 

Carlton turned to leave, but he stopped at the door again. Swallowing his pride for the sake of the case, he said, “It might not be a bad idea to get Spencer in here. You know, so he can do his psychic thing or whatever and possibly catch something we didn’t from the tape.” 

Juliet nodded slowly. “Okay, yeah. I can contact him if you want.” 

Carlton just gave a short, tight nod before leaving the room.  _ Hopefully, Spencer will have the decency to leave me alone if he shows up to the station,  _ he thought as he went back to his desk. His head was starting to pound more fiercely than earlier, and he knew that it was thanks to his stress. He pulled out a bottle of Advil from his drawer and dry swallowed three of them before flipping through all of his notes and the file. Missing computers, jewelry, and a few antique coins. Carlton shook his head, wondering to himself why the perps would rob a pawn shop and steal used items when they could have robbed a jewelry shop a few blocks away in the same amount of time. The perpetrators were in and out in a matter of seconds, which meant they probably knew where everything was before committing the robbery. That meant something, but Carlton couldn’t piece it together just yet.  _ Maybe if this damn headache would go away.  _

“I’m telling you, Gus, that smile did not mean she was interested.” 

_ Oh shit.  _ Carlton raised his head and saw Shawn walking through the station with his best friend by his side. He supposed Juliet had called him after all, and the younger man agreed. It needed to be done, but Carlton didn’t want anything to do with it. 

“Yes, Shawn, she was,” Gus argued back. The two of them stopped walking, clearly in the middle of a heated debate about some girl. Shawn either hadn’t noticed him yet or had the decency to give him space. Slowly, Carlton opened another drawer in his desk, and sure enough, his house key was tucked in place.  _ It’s really over,  _ he thought.  _ But seeing him makes this feel much more real.  _

“That wasn’t the face of a woman who was interested, buddy,” Shawn replied, and Carlton grumbled quietly and looked through his notes again as he tried to ignore them. “That was an oh-my-god-it’s-Bud-from-the-Cosby-show face. You should know, you get it often enough.” 

Gus scoffed. “I do not look like Bud from the Cosby show, Shawn!” 

Juliet’s voice suddenly joined the mix. “Hey, guys, the footage is all set up if you want to try and get any readings, Shawn.” 

“I can already tell that calling me was the right choice, Jules,” Shawn responded.  _ Arrogant bastard.  _ “Just don’t be too hard on yourself when I solve this case in a matter of seconds.” 

Hearing Shawn act so casually and normal stung. It was almost as though their break up hadn’t at all impacted the younger man. It made Carlton wonder if Shawn actually ended things because he was worried they’d never see eye-to-eye, or if he simply used it as an excuse because he wasn’t in love anymore. Maybe Shawn decided he wanted to date someone less uptight and younger. Someone more attractive and fun, like him. Carlton didn’t think he was either of those things. He was older, and his hair was going gray. He struggled to loosen up, he worked too much, and his patience oftentimes wore thin with Shawn. Now that he thought about it, he should’ve seen this sooner. 

The three of them left the room to review the footage, leaving Carlton to get lost in his own self-deprecating thoughts. He felt slightly angry because he was convinced he was lied to. If Shawn truly didn’t have feelings for him anymore, he should have just been honest, rather than let Carlton figure it out for himself. And then for Shawn to come into the office and flaunt as nothing had happened. It infuriated him that he was suffering while Shawn got to continue with his life, completely unaffected. Carlton felt nauseous, and his head was pounding. Without much thought, he walked towards Chief Vick’s office and stood in her doorway. “A word?” he asked. 

Chief Vick looked up from her computer. “Of course, Carlton. Is this about the case?” 

Carlton sat down in a chair across her desk and shook his head. “Uh, sort of, I guess.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Spit it out, Carlton.” 

Carlton rubbed the back of his neck. “I actually came to request the rest of the day off. I’m not feeling well.” 

Vick’s brows furrowed in confusion and concern. “Well, of course, I’m not going to deny you some time, seeing as you’ve never voluntarily taken any sick days. Are you alright?” 

Carlton nodded. “It’s probably nothing, but I have a pounding headache, and it’s making it difficult to focus on the case. I figured I should go home and sleep it off so I can be more useful tomorrow. Shawn arrived to help Detective O’Hara, and I’m sure they have everything under control.” 

  
  


A small smile appeared on the Chief’s face. “Mr. Spencer must be good for you. I’ve seen you try to work through migraines that would have brought most people down on their knees. Good for you for admitting when enough is enough and you need a break. Go home and get some rest, Detective Lassiter. I hope you feel better soon.” 

Carlton swallowed down a wave of nausea. “Yeah, me too. Thanks, Chief.” He left her office feeling slightly relieved knowing he wouldn’t have to be at work where Shawn was parading around like his usual self. He had no intention to actually go home; he wasn’t ready to see his place as it looked before Shawn moved in. He opted to go to a bar, feeling like two o’clock in the afternoon was an alright time for a drink or two.  _ It’s five o’clock somewhere,  _ he thought. Besides, people drank during the day casually sometimes, and since it was something he never did, he figured it would be alright for this one occasion. Maybe getting a slight buzz going would help ease his headache, too. 

He decided to go to a small, discreet bar called “The Klondike” where he knew he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew. Sighing heavily, he took a seat at the counter and glanced around, not surprised to see a lot of intrigued faces looking in his direction. It was clear that this bar had its daytime regulars and a cop sitting down, suit and all, at two in the afternoon was evidently unusual. Everyone else in the bar looked rugged and unclean, not to mention old and washed up. Carlton ran his hand through the back of his head a little self-consciously as the bartender quirked an eyebrow at him. “Are you hear to ask me some questions?” he asked, gesturing to the badge that Carlton had attached to his belt. 

Carlton snatched his badge and tucked it into his inside jacket pocket. “No, I’m off duty,” he explained. “Just get me a scotch, will you?” 

The bartender shrugged and poured him a drink, which Carlton accepted graciously. The quality wasn’t as good as he was used to from the bars he frequented, but he accepted the harsh burn all the same as it slid down his throat. “Keep the tab open,” he told the bartender, knowing that while he was there, he might as well try to feel a little better about his empty life. He thought about Shawn, and how the younger man seemed entirely unphased by their break up.  _ You have no idea how lucky you are, Spencer.  _

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

When Juliet had called him asking for help, Shawn had immediately called Gus. His best friend’s phone rang for a few moments before he heard a familiar, “I’m working, Shawn. What do you want?” 

“Buddy,” Shawn greeted, attempting to keep his voice cheerful. “We have a case.” 

“No,  _ you  _ have a case. I have work to do here.” 

Shawn sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, can you just fake food poisoning again or something? I could really use you on this one.” 

Gus must have heard the desperation in Shawn’s tone because he softened just a bit. “Is it another serial killer or something?” 

“No, it’s a B&E.” 

Gus sighed, sounding irritated again. “Shawn, you do not need my help for a simple breaking and entering case. I can’t imagine why  _ you  _ were called for it, either. You can handle this one with Lassiter and Juliet, I have work to do.”

Upon hearing his ex’s name, Shawn felt his chest tighten. “Gus, I need to talk to you about something, actually. I have news, and I don’t want to say it over the phone.” 

Gus was quiet for a moment. “Fine. I’ll pick you up and we can head over to the station together.” 

Fifteen minutes later, Shawn was in the Blueberry telling his best friend everything. He told Gus about the harsh words exchanged between the two of them, and of course, Shawn’s decision to end the relationship before it got too ugly and too complicated. Gus looked at him sympathetically while Shawn stared straight ahead through the windshield, fiddling nervously with a loose thread on his sleeve. “I dunno, man, I just knew that the longer we waited, the more it’d hurt, you know?” 

Gus nodded slowly. “I hear you, dude, but are you sure this was what you had to do?” 

Shawn swallowed, feeling sick. “I mean, I can’t think of anything else I could’ve done. We’re just so different, you know? I should’ve known it was going to happen eventually. That doesn’t mean I feel good about it, though. To make matters worse, Jules said he seems to be taking it pretty hard.” 

Gus scoffed. “Well, the man  _ was  _ newly divorced when you got together, and already in a slump. What did you think would happen? He’d just brush off two failed relationships in a row, both of which were ended by the other person?”

The guilt-trip wasn’t intentional on Gus’ part, Shawn knew, but it was very effective in making him feel like absolute shit. “I just figured that this is Lassie, you know? That’d he go to the shooting range or the middle of the woods and go completely nuts and feel better. Or at the very least, I never expected him to  _ act  _ sad, I thought he’d just do what he always does and pretend nothing’s wrong.” 

“You  _ want  _ him to bottle it up, Shawn? Because it wouldn’t make a difference. Even if he was suppressing his emotions like he normally does, it wouldn’t change the fact that he’s clearly upset. I know I don’t always see eye-to-eye with the guy, and sometimes he scares me ‘cause I know he definitely has murdered people before that were not bad guys-”

“No, he hasn’t-”

“ _ But,”  _ Gus continued, “I always liked that he made you feel good. I mean, you used to send me texts all the time saying, ‘Lassie did this, and it was so sweet’ or ‘Lassie said this and it made me so happy’. It just seemed like you had a really good thing going, and I respected him a little bit for making you happy.” 

Shawn sighed heavily, feeling worse than he did before. He knew Gus was just being honest, and he didn’t know what he wanted from his best friend exactly but hearing the truth hurt. “Look, I don’t feel good about this either, okay? I just can’t help but feel like this is the right thing for the long run, even though it hurts badly now.” 

Gus put a hand on his shoulder. “What do you need?”

Shawn shrugged. “I just need to feel normal again. I need to make jokes, and I need to laugh, and I need to pretend everything’s okay, otherwise, I’m never solving this case.” 

And that was how they wound up walking through the precinct, arguing about a girl Gus had flirted with yesterday, and whether or not he was reading into her attraction towards him. As they walked past the desks, Shawn caught a glimpse of Carlton who was keeping his head down as though trying to avoid him. He was rummaging through his desk, a sign Shawn knew to mean that he was trying to look occupied while his mind was whirling. Even from a distance, Shawn could see Lassiter’s hair sticking up just slightly, a tell-tale sign that he had a bad headache, and he knew that the loosened tie and uncharacteristic fidgety behavior meant he hadn’t slept well. Shawn longed to do what he always did when Carlton was overworked or stressed: stand behind him and massage his shoulders while allowing him to vent about his day. It seemed to always help the older man, but Shawn knew this time was different, and that was no longer a possibility. 

_ He’ll be okay with time.  _

They met up with Juliet who seemed eager to show them the security footage, but just minutes after Juliet started the tape around the time of the robberies, Chief Vick was coming into the room. “Detective O’Hara, Mr. Spencer, and Mr. Guster, I trust you three can handle the case on your own?” 

Juliet frowned, looking worried. “What’s Carlton going to do?” 

“Detective Lassiter requested the rest of the day off,” she explained. “He said he wasn’t feeling well, and I am inclined to accept given the fact that he  _ never  _ asks for time off. I will admit he was looking a little rough when he spoke with me just now, so don’t be surprised if he ends up staying home tomorrow as well.” 

Shawn felt his concern grow for his ex-boyfriend. It was uncharacteristic for Lassiter to ask for time off, and Shawn had seen the man attempt to work through practically everything. He, Gus, and Juliet all exchanged worried looks, and Juliet turned to the Chief, nodding. “I’m sure we have everything under control.” 

Chief Vick nodded. “Very well, keep up the good work.” She turned to leave, but stopped in her tracks, looking at Shawn again. “And it might be a good idea for you to check on Carlton some time today to ensure he’s alright?” 

Their boss left before any of them could explain to her why that wouldn’t be a possibility. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

It was getting late by the time Carlton had decided to head home. He had passed the point of pleasantly buzzed three drinks ago, and he figured it was time to head out while he still remembered where he lived. As he stood up from the barstool, the room spun and he had to hold onto the counter for support. The bartender eyed him, but Carlton gave him a dismissive wave of his hand. “‘M walkin’,” he assured the man before staggering onto his feet. He closed his eyes trying to regain his balance and prevent the world from tipping around him. When he opened them again, there was a man standing in front of him, clad in denim, and missing more than just a couple of teeth. 

“Detective Carlton Lassiter,” he said. “You got some nerve showin’ your face in these parts.” 

Carlton frowned, trying to clear his head to process the situation. “And you are…?” 

“You arrested me back in ‘06,” the man snapped. His arms crossed over his chest, and suddenly two more men joined him at each side, all three looking ready for a fight.  _ Oh shit.  _

Carlton smiled casually. “Doesn’t ring a bell. I arrested a lotta people that year. I arrest a lotta people every year. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Carlton tried to move past them, but the guy in the middle stopped him with a hand on his chest. 

“Oh, I don’t think so, Detective. See, now you’re on our turf, and if you’re dumb enough to come around here, you’re dumb enough to be lookn’ for a fight.” 

Carlton felt himself laugh. “You want to challenge a police officer to a bar brawl? I think I’ll pass, gentlemen, but thanks for the laugh.” He tried to go past them again, but he staggered and suddenly he was being caught by the collar of his shirt and that was all he knew before a large fist connected with his nose, eliciting an ugly sounding crack that echoed in the bar. The man let go of his shirt, and Carlton fell to the floor, hitting his head on the hardwood surface. It stung and made his vision blur momentarily, but the feeling was suddenly overwhelmed when a massive boot connected with his side twice. 

“You ain’t shit, Detective,” the man grumbled, spitting on him in the process. 

Carlton stood, despite every part of his body aching now. The foot had surely connected with some ribs and he wondered if his nose was broken now too. With some effort, Carlton managed to make it to his feet, but he knew that now he had to deal with a head injury on top of being hammered, so his chances of being able to take any of them down were limited. “I’m putting you back behind bars, you son of a bitch. And you’ll rot there for good by the time I’m finished with you.” Carlton took a swing, and his fist grazed the side of the man’s head, but his two goonies were suddenly pinning him from either side, making him completely vulnerable to any attack the felon had in store for him. 

He recovered quickly from the punch, and now with Carlton exposed entirely, he wasted no time. Carlton felt another punch connect with the side of his face, and he was kicked square in the chest, hard enough that it left him breathless. He was punched in the face again twice, and finally, the man took a step back and called off his friends. “That’s enough. Leave ‘em here.” 

The men tossed Carlton down to the floor, and by now his vision was starting to fade into blackness. The last thought he had was that he should pull out his phone and call Shawn because his boyfriend had to be wondering where he was by now. Then realization sunk in, and he remembered the events of the day, as well as the night before, and he welcomed the blackness with open arms. 


	4. The Lies You Keep Telling Yourself

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Juliet said worriedly as she held her phone up to her ear for the third time that morning. Shawn watched her anxiously, leaning against her work desk while Gus stood next to him, loudly crunching on potato chips. Juliet sighed in defeat and put her phone down, running a hand through her hair. “He’s never ignored a call from me before.” 

Shawn felt his stomach drop as he nervously clutched his own phone in his jean pocket. He thought about trying to call too, but he knew that if Juliet was getting ignored, the chances of him having any luck were next to nothing. “Maybe just keep trying?” Shawn suggested hopefully. “I mean, his favorite coffee mug is still here, and we all know he can’t live without it, so…” 

Juliet gave him a sympathetic look. “Shawn, Carlton clearly doesn’t want to be bothered right now. If he isn’t answering now, it’s because he’s not ready.” She sighed and shook her head, and Shawn knew that it would be hard for her to resume working like nothing was wrong. “I’m worried. It isn’t like him to skip work.” 

“Maybe he’s still sick?” Gus guessed behind a mouthful of chips. 

“Gus, he isn’t sick,” Shawn said exasperatedly. “He wasn’t sick yesterday, and he isn’t now. He just told that to Chief Vick so he wouldn’t have to be around me. Trust me, I know what Carlton is like when he doesn’t feel well, and the absolute last thing he would’ve done was actually say something about it--especially to his boss.” It was starting to become nearly impossible to hide his own worry, and Shawn knew that if he didn’t hear from Carlton soon, he’d have to make a trip to his house, regardless of whether the older man wanted to see him or not. 

“Okay, well maybe he’s still dodging you,” Gus pointed out. 

“And Juliet?” Shawn countered. “I’d understand not picking up the phone if I was calling him, but Juliet even left a voicemail saying we have a lead, and if that isn’t gonna get Lassie out of bed, then nothing will. 

Juliet glanced over at Chief Vick’s office and checked her watch. “Well, I’m not going to be able to cover for him much longer, so maybe I should just go ask her if she’s heard from him today or not. I don’t want to get him in trouble, but she needs to know if Lassiter is MIA.” 

“I’ll do it,” Shawn offered, surprising himself. “And if the Chief asks, I’ll say you thought that he was still sick. I figured it’s time to come clean about the two of us, anyway; she thinks we’re still dating. Maybe she noticed something else about him that she brushed off because she thought he was going home because of a headache.” Without giving it much thought, Shawn hastily walked into the Chief’s office, clearly taking her off guard as he all but threw the door open. 

“Mr. Spencer, what is the meaning of this interruption?” she demanded, clearly startled by the aggressive entrance. 

Shawn sat down in a chair and felt himself shrink under her glare. “Chief, I need to come clean about something,” he said. 

She furrowed her brow. “And what might that be?” 

Shawn’s leg bounced up and down nervously as he tried to think of how to explain the situation. “You see,” he began slowly, “well, me and Lassie, we uh, you know… it’s complicated but I, uh, ended things between us.” 

Chief Vick sighed heavily, putting a hand up to silence him. “Mr. Spencer, I have told both of you repeatedly that if you are to start a relationship with one another that it’s none of my business so long as it doesn’t affect your work here. That being said, I am going to suggest the same thing if that relationship is now over, do you understand? What the two of you do outside my precinct is not my concern and I am most definitely  _ not  _ a couple’s counselor for the two of you.” 

“You don’t get it,” Shawn protested. “Just let me explain, please.” His tone was desperate, the worry he was feeling for Carlton becoming too overwhelming to be able to suppress any longer. “Look, I know for certain that Lassie didn’t go home yesterday because of a headache; he went home so he wouldn’t have to work the case with me. Despite what I’d like to think, and even though I’m almost positive that us breaking up was the right thing to do, he’s taking it really hard. Way harder than I thought he would.” Shawn, who had been hiding his face by looking at the floor, now looked up at his boss with determination. “I need to know if you’ve heard from Cartlon today.” 

Chief Vick leaned back in her chair, clearly processing the situation. “I have not,” she admitted quietly. “Although, knowing that he wasn’t sick changes things. As I said yesterday, Detective Lassiter  _ never  _ takes sick days, so I assumed that if he was feeling poorly enough to leave, that he simply might have needed an extra day to recover if he didn’t come into work today.” She sighed and shook her head, and Shawn didn’t miss the whispered, “ _ damn it”  _ that escaped her lips. 

“There’s another thing,” he added slowly. “Jules can’t get a hold of him. She’s called three times, left voicemails, and nothing. I’m worried something happened.” 

The Chief looked worried now too, though she was always better at hiding her emotions that Shawn was. “Mr. Spencer, I will say this: if my Head Detective ends up going off the rails because of this, you will wish that you never stepped foot into this office, do you understand? I want someone over at his house right now, and if anything, and I mean  _ anything _ looks out of order, we will-” 

The Chief’s door opened again, cutting her off. Juliet appeared, looking relieved. “I’ve just heard from McNab that Carlton’s car just pulled into the parking lot. He’s here.” 

Shawn released a breath, his chest feeling lighter now that the weight of dread had been lifted. “Oh, thank god.” 

Chief Vick raised both her eyebrows at him before turning to Juliet. “Keep an eye on him, will you?” she requested. 

Juliet nodded. “Of course, Chief.” Shawn got out of his chair to follow her out of the office and back to her desk. She turned to him and in a warning tone said, “Don’t say anything about him being late, okay? Just act natural. He hates unwanted attention.” 

Shawn smirked. “Juliet, this is Lassie we’re talking about. Saying ‘unwanted’ before ‘attention’ is completely rhetorical.” 

“I think you mean  _ redundant,  _ Shawn,” Gus corrected with a scoff. 

“I’ve heard it both-” Shawn was cut off when a familiar figure came into view. Carlton’s head was down, looking at the floor which was uncharacteristic for the Head Detective. The only thing Shawn was able to tell before the man sat down with his back facing all of them was that his sunglasses were still on, which Shawn figured meant that he didn’t get much sleep again. Not that Shawn had been sleeping well either--it was always hard falling asleep alone after getting used to having company--but his daily antics were less stressful than what Carlton did on a day-to-day basis and losing sleep had always been much more detrimental for the detective. 

“Carlton?” Juliet called out softly, interrupting Shawn’s thoughts. “I, uh. I don’t know if you got my calls, but we have a lead in the case.” 

Carlton didn’t face either of them, which was also unusual. Shawn figured he didn’t want to see him, but the tension in his shoulders and the tightness in his tone suggested it was more than that. “What’d you find?” 

Juliet hesitated. “Well, actually, it was Shawn. He noticed on the tapes that the suspects wore the same ring. It was a class of ‘08 ring, so that means we’re looking for two men who graduated from San Marcos four years ago. We got records from the school of the entire graduating class which was just around 500 students. 278 of those students were male and we’re now looking to see who of those 278 students haven’t left Santa Barbara. It’s a lot of people, but it’s all we got so far.” 

Lassiter didn’t say anything for a moment, but slowly he nodded. “Alright, well it looks like the best we have.” He turned around and locked eyes with Shawn, saying something along the lines of ‘nicely done, Spencer’, but Shawn couldn’t be sure. He was too busy looking at the large bruises on the detective’s face, the slight crook in his nose that suggested it might be broken but hasn’t been taken care of yet, and a gash on his lower lip. The sight made Shawn nauseous but before he could formulate a sentence, Juliet stepped in. 

“Oh my god, Carlton,” she gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. “What happened to you?” 

Carlton shook his head, waving a hand dismissively. “It’s nothing, O’Hara. I got mugged last night. It wasn’t a big deal.” 

“Not a big-” Juliet shook her head. “Didn’t you have your gun on you? You always have your gun.” 

“There were three of them,” he said simply. “I was a little outnumbered, and they got the jump on me before I could act. It’s fine.” 

“You need to go to the hospital,” Juliet protested. “Your nose looks broken and you have some pretty nasty bruises. Do you have a concussion?” 

“I’m  _ fine  _ O’Hara,” Cartlon snapped. “Look, I’m back on the case now. Let’s just all… work together.” 

Shawn didn’t miss the way his last two words were full of disdain, but the last thing he wanted to do was call the man out on it. Instead, he did what he always did when feeling uncomfortable or stressed--Shawn hid behind humor and jokes because it was the only thing that made sense in the world. “Well, Lassie, even though you’ll need a nose job and quite possibly a paper bag over your head so you don’t scare the innocent children of Santa Barbara, I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re glad to have you back and see that you are, in fact, not passed out in a dirty gutter somewhere in the ghetto.” 

“That was my theory,” Gus offered, raising a hand proudly. 

Carlton just scoffed but didn’t comment.  _ Just like old times,  _ Shawn thought bitterly. “I’ll get started running the list of our potential suspects and see where they are now. Meanwhile, I suggest someone, preferably  _ two  _ someones,” he gave both Shawn and Gus a look, “go check out the pawnshop again and speak with the owner about regular customers. Those guys knew exactly what they were looking for and they were in and out in seconds. It’s likely they frequented the store. If my hunch is right, they probably won’t be returning anytime soon after robbing the place, so make sure to ask if any of these regulars have fallen off the map since. Bring a yearbook from the ‘08 San Marcos and see if the owner recognizes any of the students.” 

It was easy to be reminded of how good of a detective Lassiter could be, and Shawn found no argument with doing what he was asked. It was a good idea--one that he wouldn’t have thought of--but then again, his hunches were based on what the normal human eye and brain couldn’t see or remember. Meanwhile, Carlton became the youngest Head Detective in the history of the SBPD because he was damn good at his job and trusted his instincts, even when he was told by Shawn regularly that he was wrong. Shawn saluted him playfully. “Aye, aye, Captain.” 

“O’Hara, you should go with them,” Lassiter suggested. 

Juliet looked confused. “Wait, why? I mean, I trust your judgment, Carlton, but you have a lot of work to do here and we’d get it done in half the time if we did it together.” 

“She has a point,” Shawn interjected. 

“Plus, that’s just not how we do it,” Gus added. “I mean, it’s always been you two and me and Shawn. No offense to Juliet, but me and Shawn have a very… particular method when it comes to solving cases.” 

Shawn turned to Gus. “I don’t think Jules would appreciate four meal breaks.” 

“Don’t forget the three snack breaks in between.” 

“And the part where we stop investigating entirely to do something crazy like act in a soap opera, sign up for a singing competition, or take kung fu lessons.” Shawn turned to Juliet. “Jules, how are you on stage?” 

Juliet turned to Carlton, eyes widening slightly. “Carlton, don’t do this to me.” 

Lassiter shrugged, looking nonchalant. “Best of luck.” Juliet sighed, and Carlton removed his sunglasses seemingly absentmindedly, revealing a gnarly black eye on the left side of his face. Shawn winced, but held back any comments, as did Gus and Juliet, all of them knowing that it wouldn’t be appreciated. Lassiter looked at his watch. “Let’s meet back here at 1300 hours. That should be plenty of time for me to get a good start on this while it gives you three enough time to talk to the store owner  _ and  _ eat copious amounts of food.” 

The last comment stung a little. Shawn remembered when he and Lassiter began to work cases early on in their relationship, the frequent food stops had initially annoyed the older man, but he quickly got used to it. Most of the time when Shawn would order something, Carlton would just get something to drink, but he never tried to talk Shawn out of stopping altogether. Shawn once expressed his concern that his eating habits bothered Carlton, who waved away his worry quickly saying, ‘ _ Why would I care? You look great, you’ll always look great, and if you’re hungry, you should eat. I just don’t eat much, but I don’t care that you do.’  _ It had been a fantastic self-esteem booster at the time, and Shawn noticed that even though they weren’t together anymore, Carlton wanted to give him and Gus time for plenty of food. 

“Well, you heard the man,” Gus said, slapping Shawn’s arm, startling him out of his thoughts. Lassiter had already begun typing on his computer as though none of them were there anymore. 

The three of them began to head out, but Juliet stopped abruptly. “Hang on,” she said, jogging back over to Carlton’s desk. Shawn couldn’t hear what the two of them were saying, but Juliet had her mom-is-disappointed stance with one hand on her hip and the other pointing a finger. Lassiter just shrugged his shoulders and went back to his work, leaving a frustrated-looking Juliet to turn on her heels and head back towards the two of them. 

“What was that all about?” Shawn whispered as they left the building. 

“I told him he needed to take a lunch break today because I  _ know  _ he didn’t yesterday, and I’m seriously doubting he ate last night or this morning. He’s going to wind up in the hospital if he keeps this up.” 

“Did he say he’d eat?” Shawn asked worriedly. 

“He said he would.” 

“So, we’re gonna bring him something on our way back?” 

Juliet smiled. “You know we are.” 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The moment the three of them were out of sight, Carlton stood slowly from his desk, biting down hard on his lip to stifle a wince, and walked toward the bathroom. He locked the door behind him to prevent any interruptions and then walked to the sinks to look at himself in the mirror, using both sides of the basin to hold himself up. He wasn’t surprised that Juliet had made comments regarding his appearance; he knew that if he saw someone in his condition, he’d request they go see a doctor. That being said, Carlton never claimed not to be a hypocrite. 

Moments from last night were a shameful blur. Carlton remembered the physical altercation in the sketchy downtown bar, losing the fight against the three men, and then ending up unconscious on the floor. At some point during closing time, the bartender had thrown water over him irritably, mumbling about  _ these damn drunks  _ and ushered him out the door. Even in his drunken stupor, he knew he was in no condition to drive, and his more-than-likely concussed head didn’t want to call a cab or navigate his way home, so he opted to sleep in his car that he parked outside the bar. In his condition, he had fallen asleep easily, not at all worried about sleeping with a concussion due to being too drunk to care and too exhausted to try and fight it. At some time around six, he had woken up and driven himself home, despite the world around him still spinning a little. 

At home, he did as little as possible. He took his time showering, trying not to think of how Shawn wasn’t joining him and looked at his untreated wounds. He knew that after passing out on a dirty floor, he was at risk for an infection, so he cleaned them to the best of his ability, hoping that it wasn’t too late. His ribs hurt the worst and raising his arms to shampoo his hair had been torturous, but he knew that he needed to look the best he could in order to appease Juliet, whom he knew would have a fit as soon as he arrived at work. Carlton knew that he had been reckless and stupid, and the last thing he wanted was to drag Juliet into the messes he made. 

He had already done that enough to Shawn. 

Back in the bathroom, Carlton looked into the mirror and slowly untucked his shirt, lifting the hem up to his chest. He held his breath the whole time because both breathing  _ and  _ moving were too painful to do simultaneously, so he had to pick his battle. As he suspected, there were dark, purple bruises along his ribcage and he winced looking at them as he was now free to do so.  _ Damn it, Carlton, you really did it this time.  _

His head was spinning too, and each throbbing ache made him feel nauseous. He knew that if he didn’t show up to work today, he would be investigated, and at least by avoiding that, he could keep some of his pride. He knew that if anyone found out about what happened in the bar, he’d be putting his job on the line. He knew the right thing to do would be to talk to the Chief about being ‘mugged’ so it wouldn’t raise suspicion when she saw him first. Carlton also knew she might force him to write a police report and doing so would be a crime because it didn’t actually happen. 

He was definitely in a predicament, and for the first time in seven months, he didn’t have anyone he could turn to for support. Carlton knew that he could now only rely on himself, and that’s exactly what he would do until he felt human again. He had taken care of himself as a kid when his mother had been negligent, he could certainly do so now as an adult. 

Tucking his shirt back in and straightening his tie, Carlton held in his breath, this time both from the pain, as well as from fear over the lecture he knew was coming. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

_ “Detective Lassiter,  _ what the hell happened to you?”

Carlton wanted to sink into the chair he was sitting in, but he knew that his ribs would strongly detest the movement, so he kept his posture poised and profession. “Chief, if I may explain-”

“Oh, you bet your ass you will.” 

“I just came to apologize for being a little tardy this morning,” Carlton continued, “and say that I know this looks bad, but I just had a little run-in last night with some guys. I was on a walk, hoping the air would help my headache, and then it happened. They had me on the ground before I could do anything.” 

Karen Vick looked like she didn’t know what to say. She looked exasperated, furious, confused, and concerned all at the same time. “Is there a reason you didn’t file a report?” she demanded. 

Carlton shook his head. “There wouldn’t have been any point in doing so. They came up behind me and vanished before I could see any part of them. It could have been anyone, ma’am.” 

“Detective, I have half a mind to force you to go home immediately,” she bit out. 

“Chief-” 

“I said half a mind, detective. Seeing as you were willing to admit yesterday when you needed to go home, I trust you to use your best judgment. You are not stupid, Carlton, and I trust you to be  _ smart  _ about this. If I so much as suspect that working today is too much for you, I  _ will  _ place you on leave for an entire week, do I make myself clear?” 

“I understand.” 

The chief sighed. “Good." Lassiter stood to leave, doing everything in his power to not display pain, when the Chief help up a hand. Just when he thought he'd have to give up his act she added, "And you're  _ sure  _ you're doing alright?" 

Lassiter waved a hand. "I've had worse injuries, Chief. This is nothing." 

"I wasn't talking about your injuries, Carlton." 

Lassiter made sure to answer quickly. "Everything's fine." 

Karen didn't look like she believed him. "If you're going through a rough patch, there's always help you can get through us. Don't forget. I won't make it a requirement to see a department psychologist unless you give me a reason to." 

It was a threat. One that he knew from experience was one she was more than willing to follow through with. He gave her the most sincere smile he could muster in response. "I think we'll both find that won't be necessary." She dismissed him, so Carlton went back to his desk subtly. Looking around to make sure no suspicious eyes were on him, he grabbed his jacket and threw it over his arm before hastily leaving the building. He had more important matters to deal with, and he knew that as long as he had somewhat of a start on following up on the suspect's, he'd be in the clear. He just needed an hour. 

One hour. 

……………………………………………………

"I know that man better than anyone, and I'm telling you that something was totally off with his story," Shawn declared. 

They were sitting at IHOP, much to Juliet's disliking, which she vocalized several times claiming that the case was more important. Shawn almost felt bad for her.  _ Almost.  _ Gus was chowing down on a massive chocolate pancake and upon hearing Shawn’s words, his fork stopped right before his mouth. “People get mugged all the time. Do you really think he’d make that up? I mean, I think his face spoke for itself.”

Shawn felt his appetite slip away--a rare occurrence that made him realize how stressed he was feeling. His father had taught him to be a human lie detector from the time he was eight and he had been with Carlton long enough to especially be ablet o tell when  _ he  _ was lying. Something had happened last night, but he sure as hell hadn’t been mugged. “Yeah, maybe,” he finally said, a little half-heartedly. “Something’s just not adding up. I mean, why was he so insistent on Jules coming with us?”

Juliet, who had ordered a simple lunch salad gave Shawn a pointed look. “Maybe because you two have a habit of getting into trouble?” 

“No, there is definitely something else,” Shawn argued. “It was like wanted to be alone for something.”

“He might just need space,” Juliet pointed out. “I’m worried about him too, but for now we need to focus on the case. Maybe he’ll feel better once it’s solved.”

Shawn scoffed, despite himself. “I have a feeling Lassie isn’t too concerned with the case anymore.” He began to play with his staw, dipping it in and out of his Coke and swirling it around. “I honestly didn’t know that he would take this so hard.” 

Gus shook his head, looking disappointed. There was a time where Shawn knew he didn’t like the idea of he and Lassiter dating, but his reluctance had quickly turned to constant teasing, which was when Shawn realized that he finally accepted them. It had felt good to have his best friend be supportive of his relationship, and now Gus seemed nearly more disappointed in Shawn’s decision to end the relationship than anyone. Then again, Gus knew Shawn better than anyone, which meant he also knew that Shawn still loved Carlton and only ended the relationship because he started to look too far into the future. “You honestly thought he’d just walk away like nothing happened?” his best friend said in disbelief. “The man was in love, Shawn. You’re acting like you’ve never gone through a tough break up before.” 

Shawn raised his hands in defense. “Come on, man. This is  _ Lassie.  _ Maybe I just thought that he’d shoot up a mall and then be good.” 

In unison, Juliet and Gus said, “You’re an idiot.” 

“We need to acknowledge the elephant in the IHOP, Shawn,” Gus continued. 

“Gus, I’m sure elephants are far too dirty to pass health inspections.” 

“We need to acknowledge the real reason you broke up with Lassie.” 

Shawn scoffed again. “I’ve only said the reason a hundred times.” 

“Shawn, I know you better than anyone. What did we do when we were shot at in that one farmer’s field? Or when we thought that a real ghost was haunting the sorority Juliet was undercover in? Or when we were at that creepy summer camp being chased by a real-life Jason?” 

Shawn furrowed his brow. “We ran away.” 

“Why?”

“Because we were scared.” The moment the words tumbled out of his mouth, he understood exactly what Gus was saying. “No. No, Gus, this is different.” 

“How’s it different? You got scared that your relationship with Lassie would eventually end, so you ended it before you could find out the hard way. Well, I for one think it was stupid. Neither of you actually wanted to end the relationship, you’ve been eating your feelings, Lassie’s been starving his-” 

Shawn protested around a giant mouthful of fries. “I am  _ not  _ eating my feelings.” 

“-and now he’s going awol. All because you got scared.” 

Shawn swallowed his food. “What is this, an intervention?”

“Yes,” Juliet and Gus said in unison again.

"You guys need to stop doing that. It's creepy." 

“And you need to stop living in denial and ruining every good thing you have,” Gus countered.

Shawn’s appetite was entirely diminished and he noticed that Juliet and Gus seemed done with their food.”Can we work the case now?”

Juliet gave him a pointed look. “Way to change the subject.” 

Shawn stood with a sigh. “Well, I’m done here, and I’m done with this conversation.I’m going to wait in the Blueberry and graciously let you two argue over the check.” With that, he left the restaurant, not caring how childish he looked in his haste. Once he was sitting in the car, he realized that he had done exactly what Gus had accused him of doing when he broke up with Lassiter. 

He had run away from the conversation. Because that’s what he did when he was scared.


End file.
